It was a lot harder than simply sitting down and writing whatever words came to mind. It was a long, thought-out process. Everything in my book is purposeful. Everything was done for a reason.
I am in the process of publishing my first book, a poetry collection titled the letters we write. At its most basic, it is a poetry book split into three parts: “to him,” a section all about love and heartbreak, and full of poetic reinterpretations of what I would say to people that I’ve been in relationships with throughout my life; “to you,” poems to the reader, basically things that I wish I had known while growing up, or things that I would tell my friends, that all have a mentor and empowerment vibe; and finally “to me,” which are introspective, reflecting on my life and things I wish I had said or done, and some of the things I think about from time to time.
However, it is much more intense than simply that. I wrote the entire collection in the span of two lonely weeks in February. I was missing my family, my friends, and the one guy that I had been involved with before moving halfway around the world. Moving to Paris threw me for a loop. I was in a strange new place, learning a language I didn’t speak, and alone. I was utterly alone. So, I held onto the past, onto my friends at home, and onto a relationship that wasn’t meant to last. I went through heartbreak while in the most romantic city in the world. The irony, huh? My complicated, friends-with-benefits relationship was the death of the old Jamie — and this book was the birth of the new.
The first poem I ever wrote for the book wasn’t actually a poem at all. It was a letter. To him. I wrote it in my Notes app and never sent it. But, as my heart was breaking, I found that writing my feelings out helped me release them into the world — making me happier in the process.
I’ve always been the type of person to write out my feelings and then send a huge paragraph, but there was something freeing about writing down what I wanted to say and just releasing it into the universe. These people no longer got to see my raw, emotional reaction. They no longer had control over how I felt.
The letter that I wrote transformed into a nine-part poem. “part i” opens the book and the “to him” section, and “part ix” closes the section. Turning this into a poem wasn’t easy. I had to make my words poetic, while still holding onto the same impact they had originally. This led to some parts being short, only 7 lines, and some being so long they span over multiple pages. One example of this is “part viii.” The original section only consisted of 4 lines:
i can't let myself care about you when i know you will never care about me in the same way that i need
It ended up as one of the longest poems in the book, with 40 lines spanning two pages.
However, not all of them are like that. One, titled “scarlet fever,” was sparked by a bookshelf in a café whose books were all red. Another, “endothermic,” was written as I stepped rose up from the metro on an escalator and stepped into the sunlight. Some of the best poetry comes from mundane moments, and it’s the poet’s job to make them beautiful.
It’s from the original letter, however, that I got the title for my project. All throughout life there are things we wish we could say to people but don’t — whether it be too emotional, too out-of-character, or too courageous. I’ve long since gotten over my fear of what other people think of me, but I still hold back on one front: love. Writing this collection allowed me to say what I always wanted to say but never had the courage too — and hopefully my readers can identify with it as well.
As I said, there are three sections. Each section has exactly 33 poems in it, equaling out at 99 poem in total. The finished manuscript stands at 111 pages. This was a very intentional decision. I wanted an extra layer of symbolism in my book, and I found that in angel numbers. First, the angel number 3: as the reader progresses through the book, they will experience the beginning and end of three distinct stages of love — heartbreak, realization, and reflection. The angel number 3 also represents feelings of hope and optimism — the hope and optimism that the reader will feel understood and heard. The angel number 33 is associated with expressing oneself and being creative — hence, 33 poems in each section. The angel number 99 is associated with enlightenment and progress in one’s spiritual life, as well as the conclusion of one stage in your life and the start of a new one. This is the overarching theme of the collection, and it’s even elluded to in my preface. Finally, the angel number 111 symbolizes new beginnings, independence, and determination.
It’s important that page 111 is the last page of the book, as once the reader has progressed through the 3 stages, they now have a new beginning. I wanted it to end like this because at this point in the book, I have worked through all of my emotions, and the close of the book symbolizes a new beginning for me — just as the beginning of the preface symbolizes the end of my life before the book, and a new beginning in the pages of my poetry.
Hope you guys are having a great day!
~ Jamie